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Maximum Hugh
lines *'Ms. Fowl': Class, I hope you're all planning to participate in tomorrow's parent-child picnic games, though I'm sure Cindy and her mom will once again smear the competition. *'Cindy': Come anyway to watch Neutron and his klutzy dad. *''class laugh'' *'Jimmy': Vortex, you know darn well we won a medal last year. *'Cindy': Yeah, for funniest collision. *'Jimmy': Ooh... *''class laugh again'' *'Ms. Fowl': Class, please, it's not polite to... stiffly That collision was hilarious. *''class laugh again'' *'Butch': It was great. *''class continue laughing, then Jimmy gets back to his seat'' *'Jimmy': What am I going to do? My dad's all thumbs and has two left feet. *'Sheen': Cool! If your mom grows a beard, we can start our own circus. *'Carl': Me and my dad just want to go to the distance without breaking anything, or twisting anything or pulling something or dislocating... *'Sheen': Okay, we get it. *'Jimmy': Well, it's only a game, right? And who knows? Maybe my dad will surprise me this year. *'Hugh': Hey, boys! Just going to the garage to get... on a flower Whoa! *''trash can falls on Hugh'' *'Sheen': Does your mom got game? *'Jimmy': Mom, could you please pass the pork loaf? *'Judy': Certainly, dear. around, taking it to Jimmy *'Jimmy': Wow! Nice pass, Mom. Ever consider competing at the amateur school picnic level? *'Judy': Well, I... *'Hugh': That reminds me, Jimbo. Aren't the parent-child picnic games this Saturday? I've been looking forward to it all year long. Hey, watch me shot-put this potato! *'Judy': Oh! Oh! Ohh! Hugh! Be careful. *''spins around, throwing a potato outside, hearing the glass breaking'' *'Man': offscreen Ow! My eye! *''atom transitions Jimmy and Goddard into a bedroom'' *'Jimmy': Oh, if Dad competes, we lose for sure. Goddard, options. *''opens a screen'' *'Jimmy': reading "Accept your father's limitations." No, too mature. again "Pretend you're sick." I'm no quitter. again "Cheat." Hmm, cheating would be dishonest, but I'm far too blinded by my desire to destroy Cindy to care. Goddard To the lab! *''types the screen, saying, "HERE WE GO AGAIN"'' *'Jimmy': All right, just one more. Vox, display digital simulation of Dad running. *''runs in the screen'' *'Jimmy': There. Now introduce corrective electromagnetic cranial strip. *''headband puts on Hugh, running again'' *'Jimmy': You're going down, Vortex. *''to the picnic games'' *'Hugh': his body Ah, isn't this great, Jimbo? You and working together as a team. Now, remember, son, there's no "I" in "team." Do you know what I mean? *'Jimmy': You mean, should we sublimate our individuality for the good of our combined effort? *'Hugh': No, I mean there's no letter "I" in the word "team." exercising There's never a wrong time for a spelling lesson, son. *'Jimmy': You know, Dad, I know how important professional gear is to an athlete such as yourself, so... *'Hugh': Oh, look! A sweatband. Thanks, Jimmy. You know, once I get going, I sweat like a dock worker on the noon shift. his sweatband on, putting some electric on it, shuddering *''to Ebenezer, licking an ice cream'' *'Carl': Um, Dad, shouldn't we stretch or something? *'Ebenezer': Uh, sorry, Carl. Can't risk it. Might dislocate a valve. Remember what happened last year. his wig off *'Carl': Oh, yeah. That nurse was nice. *'Sheen': Uh, Coach Grubber, my dad's out of town, so I brought Max. He collects cans outside my dad's office. *''takes the can'' *'Grubber': No problem. The picnic games rule book stipulates that in the event of an absent parent, a vagrant may be substituted. *'Max': Sheen So, where's the free grub? *'Sheen': Right this way, Vagrant. away by Max *''to Mrs. Vortex punching a ham'' *'Cindy': I can't wait to see the look on Neutron's face when we whip his butt. *'Mrs. Vortex': How about that klutzy dad of his? That man is engaged in a lifelong battle with gravity. a ham *'Ms. Fowl': May we have our ham back? away by Mrs. Vortex and Cindy *'Grubber': Teams, take the field for the marshmallow toss. Parents will stand behind the line. Kids will fire marshmallows into their pie holes. *''all zoom into the people, getting ready to start throwing marshmallows'' *'Grubber': On your marks, get set... Carl I didn't say go. Hurl! *''throws marshmallows at Hugh, taking it to Hugh, then Cindy shakes her head, then Mrs. Vortex taps her knees, then Cindy throws a marshmallow at Mrs. Vortex, eating it, then Carl eats a marshmallow'' *'Ebenezer': Dag nabbit, Carl, throw one. *''throws a mushroom at Ebenezer'' *'Ebenezer': Ow, I'm hit! down Am I bleeding? *'Sheen': Incoming! marshmallows at Max, who simply holds a burger *''throws marshmallows at Hugh in slow motion, eating it'' *'Grubber': at the timer, saying, "00:47:04" Time, fall in for a count. *'Cindy': Jimmy What's the deal, Neutron? Last year, your dad couldn't walk a straight line, and now he's like something out of a fancy French circus. *'Jimmy': Je ne sais pas, mademoiselle. *'Grubber': With a record 37 marshmallows, Team Neutron wins the first event. *'Hugh': Yes, indeedy dandy. I'm on fire. hisses *'Cindy': I'm watching you, Neutron. away by Jimmy *'Grubber': Fall in for the piggyback teacher hurdles. Parents must vault over teachers while lugging their offspring on their backs. Ready, set... Ebenezer I did not say "go." I said, "set." Ready, set, not go. Not go, go! *''all run down, leaping over Willoughboy, leaping over Ms. Fowl, yelling, with Ebenezer sneaking her'' *'Ms. Fowl': Don't hurt Mama. *''eats a burger, stepping on Willoughboy'' *'Willoughboy': Oh, dear, you're wearing cleats? Ow! *''Jimmy, Mrs. Vortex, and Cindy continue running down'' *'Hugh': Behind you. Coming up. over Mrs. Vortex and Cindy And dig it! *'Grubber': We have a winner. *''grabs Jimmy's arm, then they all cheer'' *'Grubber': Team Neutron is dominating these games. *'Hugh': Jimmy Who's hot? *'Jimmy': We're hot. *'Hugh': Who's not? *'Jimmy': They're not. *'Cindy': This can't be happening. Hey, that's weird. Headbands don't usually give off electrostatic discharge. to a lunchbox, opening it, taking out a can, shaking it Mr. N., may I offer you a congratulatory Purple Flurp? *'Hugh': Why, thank you, Cindy. My insides could use a hose-down. *'Jimmy': Dad, no! *''opens a can, squirting at the face'' *'Jimmy': Oh, no. *'Cindy': Oh, yes. Say good-by to your medal, Neutron. *'Jimmy': Aren't you forgetting? There's only one race left, and we already have two wins. *'Cindy': Aren't you forgetting that the last event is worth 90% of your score? *'Hugh': burping Boy, that was refreshing. I feel like doing a one-handed double back flip. Yes, I think I will. *'Jimmy': Dad, wait. About your headband, well... See, I electronically enhanced it to make you better, because I wanted to win. *'Hugh': Well, I'm sorry to hear that, son. You know, I thought I'd taught you that winning isn't important. What's important is the healthy fellowship of sport. *'Jimmy': I'm sorry, Dad. I guess my need to win got the better of me. *'Mrs. Vortex': deeply Smell that, Cindy. That's the stench of loserdom. *'Hugh': Oh, yeah? Bring it on! When we're done with you, you'll be sucking loser soup through a straw. *'Jimmy': But Dad, what happened to the fellowship of sport? *'Hugh': Sport, shmort. Losing blows eggwater. Now let's kick some Vortex hiney. *''both do their fists, then the atom transitions into the last game'' *'Grubber': Take your marks for the blindfolded chariot race. Get set... *''growls'' *'Grubber': And... *''growls at Cindy'' *'Grubber': I didn't say go. *''growls at Jimmy'' *'Grubber': I didn't say go. *''growls'' *'Grubber': Not yet, not yet, not yet. his horn *''all pull their wagons'' *'Jimmy': To the left. Dad, to the left! *''turns the wagon to the left, hitting a rock'' *'Cindy': Cone at 2:00. Execute left turn now. *'Carl': Okay, a little to the right. No, look. *''squirrel appears at Carl, screaming'' *'Carl': Almost. No, stop! screaming *'Sheen': Onward to victory. *''all continue running down, then Jimmy looks at Cindy, bumping to Jimmy'' *'Jimmy': Dad, lemonade stand! Dad, stop! *'Ms. Fowl': Oh, for Pete's sake. *''wagon crashes into a lemonade stand, with Ms. Fowl flying into Hugh, then they all cheer'' *'Hugh': Did we win? sighs *'Jimmy': No, but I don't think we're finished just yet. *'Grubber': And for the third year in a row, the winner of the picnic games is Team Vortex. *''Vortex and Cindy walk up to Grubber'' *'Jimmy': Hold that trophy. This woman is an impostor. *'Cindy': What? This is my mom. *'Jimmy': Impossible. The probabilities of you and your mom having different eye color, foot size and earlobe length are 270 million to one. *'Cindy': You think just because your stupid data says that, it's true? *'Jimmy': That, and the fact that she a zipper on the back of her neck. *''zips down Mrs. Vortex's shirt, then they all gasp, then Aunt Suzy appears'' *'Cindy': Aunt Suzy? *'Suzy': Yes, it's me. Olympic champion and buff chick magazine fold-out Suzy Vortex. *'Hugh': Cheaters, cheaters. That means we win. Oh, goody, goody. Give me that prize. a trophy *'Jimmy': Dad, we can't accept that. We cheated, too. *'Hugh': Oh, but Jimbo, it's so shiny, and there's an "I" in "shiny." *'Grubber': a trophy Team Neutron is disqualified, which means Team DeCarlo wins. *'Wilderman': Sorry, we cheated, too. Greased the wheels on the wagon. *'Grubber': Okay, then. Team Simkins? *'Skeezicks': We cheated on the hurdle thing. *'Grubber': Team Jenson? *'Jenson': Cheated. *'Grubber': Wilderman? *'Mr. Moodini': Played fair. *''all cheer'' *'Mr. Moodini': Then cheated. *''all boo'' *'Grubber': You people are a disgrace! Isn't there anybody who did not cheat? *'Carl': Take it easy, Dad. Now, go! Wait, hold it! *''slips on a cone, then the wagon breaks'' *'Grubber': We have a winner. First prize goes to Team Wheezer. *'Carl': Huh? *''all cheer'' *'Ebenezer': You hear that, son? We won. And not a single injury. a trophy, touching on Carl *''lines *'Carl': Ow, my foot! *'Ebenezer': Ow, my neck! wig falls off of his head Oh, my head. Oh, my head. Oh, I think I have a bone spur. *'Carl': Oh, leg cramp. *'Ebenezer': My kidneys are on fire. down *''next episode starts [[Sleepless in Retroville]]'' Category:The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius Transcripts